Most ADHDers go through a big surge of overwhelming emotions after their diagnosis. I think this is the one of the most common and important topics clients bring to ADHD coaching: most clients experience their diagnosis as a steep rollercoaster ride because they experience a lot of—seemingly contradictory—emotions in quick succession and sometimes even all at once.
This rollercoaster experience can be lonely, too. Full awareness and rational explanations for these emotions often lag behind, leaving many ADHDers without the words to express what they are going through. Without the language or tools to articulate this, sharing their experience with others can feel impossible. Sharing and sorting through the entire spectrum of emotions with a qualified and experienced ADHD coach is invaluable.
The high of the emotional spectrum is relief: receiving an objective medical explanation for a lifetime of struggles is often a moment of profound validation—a realization that you are not broken, lazy, or insufficient. For many ADHDers, a diagnosis provides permission to stop blaming themselves for always feeling out of synch with the (neurotypical!) world or for struggling to follow through with their goals.
Imagine how many countless times someone with undiagnosed ADHD has tried to explain to loved ones what got in the way of them sticking to a promise or commitment—but they couldn’t find the words for it. A diagnosis can reassure them that the barriers weren’t imaginary but tied to real neurological differences. This new perspective promotes self- compassion and allows to make peace with the chaos of the past. It can be the beginning of seeing oneself as a whole, valuable human being.
But where there is relief, there is also grief. And that is the low of the rollercoaster ride: With a medical diagnosis comes the realization that how life happened to unfold is just one possible version of many. And inadvertently individuals imagine the alternatives – they go through plenty of “what if scenarios”:
What if they had received support earlier?
What if they had not been so misunderstood by the world for so many years?
Could they have reached their potential and avoided years of invisible battles and frustration, which dented their confidence and joy in life?
The client’s investigation of alternatives to how things worked out in their life often concludes with a very sombre question: Is it too late for me to make up for lost time?
Grief asks these difficult questions and challenges ADHDers to reevaluate their sense of self in light of this deeply changed understanding of their personal history.
But grief, while painful, also creates space for transformation and growth.
This is where the rollercoaster ride takes an upward turn: ADHD coaching provides the space in which clients can process how the same traits that presented challenges in a world designed for neurotypicals—creativity, hyperfocus, resilience, and unconventional thinking—are their untapped strengths waiting to be realized.
This work isn’t done in a day, but it’s work worth doing.
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